Your wizard barges into your throne room. "Sire, I have perfected the art of reserection. He wheels in a dead woman, chants some incantations. The woman sits up, firmly slaps his face, and lays back down dead again. "OK, maybe not perfected..."
Your wizard screams in horror from down the hall. You run to see what the noise is all about. "Sire, my mother-in-law remover backfired! HELP!" You'd help him if you could reach him, but there are 500 sixty year old women in the room arguing.
The palace wizard enters your throne room. "Watch, Sire, as I pull a rabbit out of my hat..." He searches about himself for a bit, then asks, "Uh, Sire, have you seen my hat?"
Your trusted wizard wanders in. "Watch as I mystically produce bushels from thin air." He chants and waves a bit, but to no avail. "Sorry, Sire, the air must not be thin enough here."
Your head wizard enters the room. "Er, Um, Sire, the Wizards Union has asked me to beg of you to allow us a few extra gold pieces this season to send away for David Copperfeilds home video 'Learn to spellbound your friends, family, and royalty.'"
"BOOM!" The wizard runs in and asks anxiously "It WAS the LEFT wing of the castle you were going to remodel this season, wasn't it... Sire?"
Your wizard bashfully enters your throne room. "Remember when you asked me to conjur a spell that would multiply cow meat? Well, I tested it out on part of a cow. It got rather out of hand. I hope you like cows tongue. Lots and lots of cows tongue."
"Sire, I have done it this time," your wizard starts, "I have come up with the most perfect magical item. It's a... eh... oh, shoot... The wizards darts out quickly, embarassed.
Your wizard walks stiffly in. "Sire, I perfected the golden touch. Anything I touch turns to gold! I have one problem though. Um... Do you know a good Urologist?"
Your wizard reports to you. "Sire, we were unable to pull the sword from the stone, however, we have whittled the stone down a bit. The stone itself weighs roughly 2 1/2 pounds now."
"Sire, Sire, did you notice?" Your wizard asks. "This morning I conjured a spell that removed everything in the throne room and replaced it with an exact duplicate. Did you notice?"
"Sire, Sire, I did it." your wizard boasts. "I have created a micro-wave catapult. It can devistate a castle in 30 seconds."
Your wizard enters with a smile. "I have created the perfect weapon for our warriors. With it you can slash, parry, cut, and dice. It will cut through iron shackles and still slice a tomatoe like this. It also has a little can opener attachment..."
Your wizard says "Have you ever wondered why God created the duck-billed platipus? God MUST have a sense of humor, Sire."
You can barely hear. Blaring music began a few minutes ago. You wizard runs in. You read his lips that seem to say "I charmed a music box to play magical music for all eternity, but I forgot the volume knob!"
The wizard enters. "I have developed a system that will give us the upper hand in combat with other kingdoms, Sire. It converts air to rock. Let me show you." He presses a button at a machine by his side. CRASH!! CRUNCH!! BONK!! &#*$!
Your wizzard runs in with an odd looking backpack. "I have created a flying machine for our armies, Sire. Let me demonstrate it." He straps on the backpack and flies away.. right into the stone ceiling. "Idiot" you mutter.
"Sire, I have complete the incantation for moving moutains." your wizard exclaims. "Judging by your past record I suggest you not try it" you retort. "I'm hurt by your lack of faith!" "You'll probably be hurt by a mountain if you cast that" you reply.
"Sire, I have developed a spell to replace hair on balding men. It will revolutionize our societies. I think I'll call the spell 'Hair Club for Men." your wizard exclaims.
"Sire," your wizard barges in, "I now have power that rivals the gods! I can implode a file tighter and faster than ZIP and ARJ combined. "Finally," you reply, "Something we can REALLY use!"
